Sunday, May 30, 2010

Advice: To Give Or Not To Give?

I am happy to share from experience, but I don’t quite enjoy giving advice.

Despite myself, whenever I come across a person who looks at me with big doe eyes and genuinely asks for advice (or help), I resist it as long as I can and after much nudging on the other person’s part, I let her know my point of view, as gently as I can.

I have come to realize that people only listen to what they want to hear. 95 % of the time, they are really not asking for advice, they are asking for justification for what they have already decided.

If it is not what they want to hear, they don’t appreciate it. Give them exactly what they want to hear and it’s love and praises for you all the way.

At the end of the day, people generally hear what they want to hear.

I have lost friendships along the way, those who ask for brutally honest opinions on their character, their relationships, their decision, no matter how much they re-assure me that it is valued AND no matter how gently I gave it. Even sugar-coated.

I have been in the opposite end as well and I’ve realized all people want is a listening ear. We shouldn’t bear the responsibility of their lives anyway.

Just a thought.

Ask or answer in the elegantwoman forums.

1 comment:

  1. Wise words!

    I have lacked the discipline to keep my words of advice to myself, and then years later when I reflect on those 'wise words', realize that I lacked wisdom. It's best to deflect when friends ask for advice, because our job as friends is to love and cherish them, to support them in wise decisions and foolish ones. One day, we'll need their support too!